Question 1/20 from Jessica:

Sometimes in my relationship I feel like I’m competing with my husband. What’s that about?


Answer from SkillfulDoc:

Relationships can be compared to a flock of birds.  Scientists understand the behavior of a flock of birds not to be the property of any individual bird, but rather the property of the group itself. There is no leader, no overall control; instead the flock’s movements are determined by the moment-by-moment decisions of individual birds, following simple rules in response to interactions with their neighbors in the flock.


On yet another level, all of our relationships and life experiences reflect our inner world. Most importantly, our outlook and interpretation of the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self. It is not unreasonable to say that enjoying a full meaningful relationship with another being hinges on our ability to come to terms with the relationship we are having with ourselves. It follows that you cannot have sound, healthy relationships if you are not in good shape from the inside out.


To deal with this it is important to sit down with our significant other from time to time and revisit the vows between you. It is vitally important to consider the concept of “space in your togetherness” as I have written about in the previous blog and expound on in my book, Skillful Living. Often there is a better, more appropriate and personal commitment that brings better balance, than the contrived and often overly idealistic vows we often take in public ceremonies.




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